I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
