she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
