From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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