party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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