Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
