im about as happy as oj after his trial
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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