porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
