$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
