I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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