It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
