If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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