NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
