I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
