At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
