We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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