I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
