Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
