FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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