I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
