and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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