I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
