He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
