oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
