Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
