I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
