If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
