Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
