I think my vagina is haunted
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
then he tried to convert me to islam
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
