"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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