He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
