I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
