i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
