Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize