there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize