this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
