I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
