I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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