i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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