Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
