I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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