My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
