party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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