fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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