he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I intend to get homeless drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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