I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
