can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
