just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
