Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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