He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
