I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You took a bar mat shot.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
