brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
