is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
