Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
