Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
