i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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