it hurts more in the daytime
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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