apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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