i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
