took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
