Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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