He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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