Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
