idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize