My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
