I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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