I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
