so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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