Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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