She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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