dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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