Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
